Well back in obsequious mode.
I'm almost robot like i think. A few days of overwhelming feelings and I'm back to the daily grind almost unfazed by my own sorrow. It doesn't ever just go away. It just becomes bearable again.
The plan i spoke of last post hasn't had it's chance to come to head yet. I still have time for this. Right now the atmosphere in my home is almost* normal. There are no snide remarks being made. No jumping down each others throats for nothing. A greater tolerance for the childrens mischievous ways.
I think i much prefer to keep the peace just a smidge longer before i open a can of worms that need baiting.
Now to ignore the general tone of my last few entries-Some randomness for your day.
If you leave a room with a sleeping baby to do something-like say laundry. And the laundry room is say-outside the house-off a garage or just generally not where you could hear the baby if needed. This chore takes roughly 10 minutes? You are essentially leaving your baby alone right? but we do it anyway-cuz something like laundry needs doing...yes? even if this particular scenario doesn't fit your life-I'm sure there is one you could make a comparison with.
Ok-so we've made it clear-this is leaving baby alone right? Well, what is you left the baby with her 5 year old sister while baby was sleeping? Greater confidence that baby will at least get a friendly face if she wakes-yes? Not so guilty feeling when you go to make the "switch" right?
What if you got in your car instead? Laundry takes a given 5-10 minutes each trip right-well today-my baby was sleeping for mere minutes when i had to take my son to school this morning. This happened to me yesterday too. Except here is the difference. Yesterday i got her up and in her car seat. Yesterday she had a terrible cranky fussy day because she was woken after such a brief respite. Today? Today i locked both children in the house for a time of 3 minutes total and got in my car and shot dear son to school in a flash. Guilty? of coarse. Confident that nothing would happen in those 3 minutes? Very. 3 minutes. Literally. I timed it. It would have taken longer to get them all in the car or walk then it did to just quickly drive him to the school's door. Longer even is the laundry when I have it to do. And my baby was still sleeping when i returned! Had the baby been completely alone-i wouldn't have done this. But my 5 year old is very capable of replacing a pacifier if needed. Or offering a friendly face of smiles until the momma could come.
I also just read This article. I really don't feel bad anymore about something that might happen again or might not, ya know?
what have you justified doing as a parent for the greater good?
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